Ode to Jazzercise

Ode to Jazzercise

by Linda Hoffman Kimball

Single Ladies come today

Dressed for exercise and fun.

Beyonce sings and they chasse.

Come on. Put a Ring on one!

Queen Latifah shakes the floor.

All the grannies lunge and glide.

They all Walk the Dinosaur

Filled with energetic pride.

Working moms and college girls,

Pump it up and shout “Wha-hooo!”

Fantasizing in their swirls.

Don’t you wish that it was true?

Plump or thin or young or old

We all know, yo, dis whuzzup:

Edgy hits or classic gold

We will never give you up!

This little fluff was inspired during my sweaty workout tonight at Jazzercise. I’ve been going there, usually with my sister, for several years now. It’s a perfect blend for me.
I get to spend time with Susan. I keep in touch with the most recent pop music – a switch from my normal diet of NPR. And, without noticing too much, I exercise enough to keep the demons of aging as much at bay as possible.

This froth will mean more to avid Jazzercisers who will recognize the embedded recent song titles. Here are the coded jokes:

Verse 1: Beyonce’s song “Single Ladies/Put a Ring on It” is a recent song, peppy and vertical in its choreography. I can’t recall whether there is really a chasse dance step in there or not. (Chasse is a French word that sounds like the erudite version of “sashay.”)

Verse 2: Queen Latifah is well represented in Jazzercize tunes of late. “Walk the Dinosaur” is a lively song from the animated movie “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur.” When the speakers are on full volume for many of these songs, it really does feel like the walls vibrate. Notice also the artful pairing of grannies and dinosaurs.

Verse 3: In some classes the instructors ask people to call out a good ol’ “Whee-haaaa!” or “Wha-hooo!” whenever a country song begins. In this verse it would be John Fogerty’s recent contribution, “Don’t You Wish It Was True.” As for the fantasizing, I can only speak for myself.

Verse 4: Jazzercise has a wide demographic appeal. We span generations, races and religions. (In Skokie, IL, where our classes are held, we have some orthodox women who participate in skirts and hair coverings.) And, for funk factor, we listen to songs we wouldn’t want our children to know we know, and make some syncopated moves that would make them tremble in disgust.

One last subtle point. Each line has four beats because the music used for Jazzercise is almost always to 4 beat measures.

Go, Jazzercise!